I can't do this anymore. Waiting to be with the one I love and long for is almost killing me. It is so, so difficult to be the other woman - the one who gets his spare moments, or the minutes he's had to work at fitting me in to. Maybe I do deserve better. Maybe I do deserve a man who will give up everything for me. Maybe I deserve freedom from this prison of hell. I hate my life so much. My kids don't respect me or my authority. My daughter even hits me on a regular basis. I left an abusive marriage because I was tired of being disrespected, belittled and hit... the kids, however, just continued on where their father left off. It's been almost a year since my separation and I am still in the same place I was back then. I want to run or die. I cannot handle this charade any longer. I keep pretending that things are going well, that I am doing fine. That is not the truth, at all. I fake everything. I don't want to be here. I don't care one little bit about my few material possessions. The only reason I can't work is because I am a single Mom. I get very little help from others. My Mom helps when she's not working. I have one friend who takes the kids and I where we need to go once every 2 weeks. And, of course, I have Jacob - whom I would die without. We go places together, mostly on the sly. I want to live with him so badly. I just want to leave everything and go be with him. I either need to be with him or not - this in between is killing me slowly.
