Slow Death

I can't do this anymore.  Waiting to be with the one I love and long for is almost killing me.  It is so, so difficult to be the other woman - the one who gets his spare moments, or the minutes he's had to work at fitting me in to.  Maybe I do deserve better.  Maybe I do deserve a man who will give up everything for me.  Maybe I deserve freedom from this prison of hell.  I hate my life so much.  My kids don't respect me or my authority.  My daughter even hits me on a regular basis.  I left an abusive marriage because I was tired of being disrespected, belittled and hit... the kids, however, just continued on where their father left off.  It's been almost a year since my separation and I am still in the same place I was back then.  I want to run or die.  I cannot handle this charade any longer.  I keep pretending that things are going well, that I am doing fine.  That is not the truth, at all.  I fake everything.  I don't want to be here.  I don't care one little bit about my few material possessions.  The only reason I can't work is because I am a single Mom.  I get very little help from others.  My Mom helps when she's not working.  I have one friend who takes the kids and I where we need to go once every 2 weeks.  And, of course, I have Jacob - whom I would die without.  We go places together, mostly on the sly.  I want to live with him so badly.  I just want to leave everything and go be with him.  I either need to be with him or not - this in between is killing me slowly.

Stay

I'd leave off the part at the end telling him to stay home, to not come over.  I still believe in the love that we share and that, one day, we will be together. 

Bleeding Love

I really don't care what others say.  I am more than in love with this man, and he is more than in love with me.  We belong to each other.  We are making plans to move in together.

I love him with all I am, right to the depths and core of my being.

Baby, I need you and want you forever.

I Want You

We haven't made love since the night before Jacob left...  It has been too many days.  We haven't gone this long without being in each other's arms for many months, and I am not liking it at all.  This time away has confirmed it in my mind and heart that he is the one I want to spend the rest of my life with.  He is my ONE - my Adam.  

As with our many, many nights together, I long to feel his hands sliding up my legs, to my thighs, hips and butt.  Then, he'll gently and purposefully touch every inch of my body as I moan with pleasure at his every move. 

I miss you, Baby.  Please come home to me soon.

Missing Him

Jacob left town today and is gone for over a week.  I was out of town today, and I didn't even want to come home because I knew he wasn't here.  

I got a call from Jacob just a little while ago, and I began to cry.  I had no intention of crying, especially not on the first day of him being gone.  Yet, there I was, sitting in the bathroom with tears running down my face...

I go to bed alone tonight; my lover miles and miles away from me.  

I miss you so much, Jacob.  You are mine.

Sneaking

Finding time to be alone together is our greatest challenge.  We have become very creative in finding a few moments here and there to at least tell each other of our love.  Texting has become a life line, and without it, I am sure we would not survive.

Let me tell you of some of the ways we sneak and plan to find time...

During the summer, we would meet out back in a small wooded area.  Jacob would arrive from one direction and I the other direction.  We would bring a blanket and lay down in a little hollow, in hopes to not be seen.  We would talk and gaze into each other's eyes, enjoying the moment.

At night, we would simply meet behind the fence of my backyard, near a tree so that Jacob could hide in the shadows if someone came walking by.  Just a few minutes to hug and kiss brought us each back to center.

A couple of times during the summer, the kids were away so Jacob would come to my house.  I'd have the blinds closed and my bed ready.  We would lay together, usually naked, caressing and kissing each other.  We would talk about everything going on in our lives, while holding each other tight.

A few times, Jacob came over to bath with me.   I had the tub filled with hot water and bubbles, awaiting his arrival. I was so nervous the first couple of times.  Not that I had a reason to be...

Jacob is the most gentle, sensual, considerate, tender-loving sweet man I have ever met.  He never does anything to my body without first asking my permission.  All he ever does is treat me with respect and care.  He cherishes who I am, and would never purposefully hurt me.  He puts my needs and wants above his own, and never pushes me to do something that I say 'no' to.  He is made for me and shows me a love like I have never had before.

He is the man I want to spend the rest of my life with.

Introduction

Admitting that I am the 'other woman' is not an easy thing to do. I grew up in a Christian home, and I have attended church my whole life. I have even gone to Bible College and worked at a church for many years.

Yet, I find myself sleeping with a married man.

I first met Jacob when my husband (an abuser) and I were separated a couple of years ago. I became friends with him and his wife very quickly and easily. We hit it off... well, at least Jacob and I hit it off...

I knew from our first few times of hanging out that he was different, special, unique - like someone I had never known before. The way he emanated love for those around him hit me in a place and in a way I had never known before. His words and actions shook the very core of my being.

Our friendship grew as we spoke on the phone, nearly once a day. We lived miles from each other, but our hearts were very close. He taught me much, and we shared on deep levels.

Just under a year after meeting Jacob, my husband and I and our children moved to the town Jacob lived in. We still talked about a lot of things, this time it was done more in person. With each week, our hugs would become more intimate. We would sit and stare into each other's eyes, while rubbing each others thighs. We would hold hands and feel the connection between us, oh so clearly.

After the final separation from my abusive husband, Jacob and I finally admitted there was something more, and we kissed passionately, while standing in my kitchen. I knew things could and would never be the same.

Since it was summer and both our families went away, our talks over the internet and sometimes the phone became more and more intimate and intense. We wanted to be in each other's arms so much that we planned a rondezvous. During our 21 hours together, we spend 20 of those hours in bed. We made love like I didn't even know was possible. We didn't have intercourse, but we loved and caressed each other's bodies all night long. It was a night that neither of us will ever forget. When our magical time was over, we went our separate physical ways, but we knew our emotions would never be separate again.

A couple of weeks later we were both back at home, and we needed physical contact. We met each other in the woods and kissed each other and touched each other passionately. We knew we could no longer survive without the touch of the other.

Finding time to be together was often difficult. But, we cherished any and every moment we spent together. We talked openly about the consequences of the decisions we were making, and how what we were doing would affect the people in our lives. We talked through feelings and emotions of having to hide our love for one another, but decided it is the best thing to do until we can make more concrete plans to be together.

One night, about 3.5 months after our summer rondezvous, we talked it through and made the decision to go 'all the way'. Jacob was only the second man I had ever let penetrate me, and it was a time I will never forget. He fit inside me perfectly. The moment he slid gently and slowly inside me, I began to cry - tears of intense pleasure and knowledge that this man loves me to the depths. We had just become ONE FLESH.